True Transparency

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“Transparency is often scarce among Christian leaders. When they share personal illustrations, leaders often careen between two extremes: self-celebration or catharsis. Appropriate transparency reveals enough to be helpful, but avoids self-promotion” –Jeff Lorg, The Character of Leadership: Nine Qualities That Define Great Leaders

True transparency is difficult. In the age of Facebook, many of us prefer to live behind the façade of a perfect life in fear of appearing weak or unsatisfied. However, transparency is a very important quality for any leader. Appearing perfect doesn’t help others relate to us, or make them feel comfortable about coming to us in need of help or guidance. Covering up our blemishes leads to an appearance of being prideful, and to disconnect between us and those who need help dealing with their own struggles.

Transparency allows others to look into our lives and learn from our mistakes. This doesn’t mean that we need to share every detail of our lives with those around us, but some transparency is healthy. Being transparent about who we are—including our weaknesses and flaws—leads to humility.

In The Character of Leadership: Nine Qualities that Define Great Leaders, Jeff Lorg says, “The simple goal of becoming more like Jesus should be the ultimate goal of every leader.” Strive to be more open and honest with those around you, even when it feels uncomfortable. The goal shouldn’t be to appear perfect, but rather to be open and honest about your journey to becoming more like Christ.

Jeff Lorg provides great advice on being a leader. Be sure to check out some of his other resources:

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Having an Open Home

Having an Open Home

When we were growing up, our house was constantly filled with people. My mom ran an in-home daycare, and my family was constantly taking in both family members and non–family members who needed a safe place to stay or a meal to eat. I remember being frustrated as a child. I needed peace and quiet, and I wanted time to spend with just my parents and siblings. My cousins would tear through the house, break my toys, and wear my clothes. I was constantly upset with them, yet my parents would always tell me that my toys and clothes weren’t important; showing Christ’s love was.

When the word evangelism comes to mind, many of us would think of going out and telling the world about Jesus. This is an important aspect of evangelism, but we often forget a vital aspect of being Disciples of Christ—opening up our home.

My cousins grew up knowing that my family was always there for them, and when they needed to escape their rough home life, they could come to our house—day or night. They knew that they could always count on us to pray for them, love them, and listen to them.

Just last year I witnessed one of my cousins devote his life to Jesus. He decided he wanted to speak at our church, and he got up in front of the congregation and told about how thankful he was to my family for loving him even when he didn’t feel he deserved it. He said he realized that God loves him in the same way we had always loved him—and that he wanted to live his life demonstrating that same love.

“When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.” –Luke 14:12–14

In The Heart of Evangelism, Jerram Barrs says that “Genuine, biblical hospitality is not having a few church friends over to show off our new house or our new sofa set or our cooking skills and being upset if they don’t invite us back! Scriptural hospitality is inviting people over who need our love, who need a meal, who are unlikely ever to repay us with a return invitation.”

Giving love and expecting nothing in return is one of the most effective ways to evangelize. Consider adopting someone into your family who is in need and most likely won’t be able to return the favor. Love them in the way Christ loves you, and show them the truths of Scripture, rather than just telling them.

For more insight into evangelism, check out these resources:

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The Behind-the-Scenes Story of the 2012 Bestseller “Be a Better Dad Today”

be-a-better-dad-today

Today’s guest post is by Gregory W. Slayton, author of Be a Better Dad Today.

From Fatherless to Father-Loved

In the wake of my fatherhood book last year, Be a Better Dad Today, many people have asked what prompted me to write a bestseller on fatherhood. Since the book sold almost 65,000 copies last year—far surpassing even my wildest expectations (and far surpassing the much-less-optimistic expectations of my publisher!)—this question actually comes up a lot.

The truth is complex, and much of it hinges on the fact that I didn’t have a real father growing up. Of course, I had a biological father—and I actually knew him. (That puts me ahead of many guys who grew up never knowing their father.) But I can’t remember him ever, even once, saying “Good job” or “I’m proud of you” or “You did well on that, son.” I clearly remember that he was gone more and more as I grew up, sometimes for weeks or even months at a time. And I will never forget his saying to me (and my brothers) that he wanted no more to do with us . . . ever. No letters, no phone calls, no nothing. And that was one of the rare times that he kept his word.

The last time I ever spoke to my dad, I was in the ICU at New York Hospital. I’d contracted acute viral hepatitis in Africa (where I’d been working with World Vision), and I was in bad shape. He’d been out of touch for years . . . but somehow he called. To say that I was surprised would be putting it mildly, but I was still happy to hear from him. We spoke for a minute or so—and then he said, out of the blue, “Something’s come up and I’ll have to call you back.” He never did. 25 years later, he died alone, ill, and in great pain. Like so many men in our society today, he decided to live for himself. And as a direct result of that decision, he died by himself.

So my journey to being a good father started in negative territory, if you will. And it could have easily stayed there, with my repeating the mistakes of my earthly father verbatim, or even worse. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve made my fair share of fatherhood mistakes with our four children—that’s for sure. But something happened on my way to being a father. Over many years and many miles, I came to understand the truth of the Scripture that promises: “Even though my mother and my father may abandon me, still the LORD will pick me up.” To make a long story short, I came to realize that I had, have, and will always have a Heavenly Father who loves me, who is interested in me, and who is thrilled to be my Father. That truth—and the power that is available through it—has made all the difference.

You’ve probably heard it many times—but our Heavenly Father’s love for you is real. He promises to give us the wisdom, joy, and discipline we need for each and every portion of our lives . . . including fatherhood. And He is not going to change His mind, or leave you in the lurch. Ever.

Obviously there’s a lot more to fatherhood, but in truth I do believe it all starts there. So I hope and pray that you will check out the book. You can see more at BeABetterDadToday.com. Since we’re giving 100% of royalties to Christian fatherhood and family charities, your purchase will be a blessing to others as well. But my prayer will be for you—that you will be deeply and richly and truly blessed on your fatherhood journey.

Onward and upward!

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Tips for Your First Year of Marriage

tips for first year of marrige

The first year of marriage is a wonderful and exciting time. It’s also a challenging time. During my engagement period, I heard all kinds of takes on what the first year of marriage would be like. Some said I’d still be in the honeymoon stage, and it would be a piece of cake. Others told stories like the ones Hayley DiMarco tells in her book The Fruitful Wifestories about smashing dishes against the walls of her cellar due to her extreme frustration with her husband. I had no idea what to expect.

No matter what your first year of marriage might look like, there are foundational ideas to keep in mind. As a young wife coming up on my first anniversary, I’ve put together a list of tips for your first year of marriage.

1.     Make God the center of your lives.
A healthy marriage truly begins here. Study God’s Word together. Memorize Scripture together. When times get rough, remember that God is working on your hearts. And most importantly, pray together as often as you can. Pam Farrel, author of A Couple’s Journey with God, once told me that she and her husband kiss each other after every prayer—and have done so throughout their entire marriage. Simple gestures like this are so effective in keeping your relationship with Christ at the center of your marriage.

2.     Be willing to say sorry, and be willing to forgive.
Chances are, you’ll have moments when you just don’t understand your husband’s opinion on an issue. In What Did You Expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage, Paul Tripp says, “Since we’re always sinners married to sinners, reconciliation isn’t just the right response in moments of failure. It must be the lifestyle of any healthy marriage.” Marriage is the union of two sinners, and your spouse will fail you. When this happens, it’s important to keep in mind that you fail your spouse, too. It takes a lot of pride-swallowing to say sorry, so when your spouse genuinely apologizes, accept it. And when you know you’ve hurt your spouse, say so. Say sorry—you’ll be surprised at how healing it can be.

3.     Don’t sweat the small stuff.
The majority of the arguments my husband and I got into during our first year of marriage were over such miniscule issues. Before you start arguing, rate the importance of the issue from 1 to 10 in your head. If it’s lower than a 5, drop it. If it’s a 5 or higher, approach it in a way that isn’t degrading or condescending toward your spouse. My husband and I have found it helpful to take a break from the argument and cool down. We’ve waited as long as a day to come back to an issue. Once you’ve cooled down, prayed about the issue, and possibly even slept on it, you’re able to approach it in a much more peaceful manner. If this isn’t your strong point, check out Fight Fair by Tim and Joy Downs.

If you’re interested in entering your first year of marriage as prepared as possible, or know someone who is, check out What Every Groom Needs to Know: The Most Important Year in a Man’s Life and What Every Bride Needs to Know: The Most Important Year in a Woman’s Life. These two books offer wonderful insight for both wives-to-be and husbands-to-be who long for the best, most God-centered first year of marriage they can have.

What’s the best piece of marriage advice you’ve ever received?

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Developing a Lifelong Marriage

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A lot of people discount V-Day as just a “Hallmark Holiday.” While the naysayers may be on to something, I still choose to celebrate the day with my wife. I don’t go over the top; I try to keep it simple and focused. I’ll write her a letter, buy her flowers or chocolate, or maybe make a special dinner—who wants to fight the crowds? The key isn’t to focus on one single date, but to continue these acts of simple love and affection throughout the year.

I do all of this to celebrate the love we share, encourage my wife, and continue a lifelong marriage. When over 50% of marriages fail, I think it takes something special—more than a spark: a lasting flame—to keep a marriage going.

A flame needs three things: oxygen, fuel, and a spark. If there isn’t a spark or enough oxygen and fuel, the fire can’t brighten the spirits of those around it. A marriage is very similar, especially for Christians. It needs more than that first spark. If we don’t include God in our marriages, the fire can’t be sustained very long; pride, selfishness, and society will quickly extinguish the flame. If both partners aren’t willing to serve, the marriage will eventually fizzle.

If you feel like your marriage is fading, or you simply want to keep building it up, let me encourage you with two ebooks’ worth of wisdom:
1) Lifelong Love Affair by Jimmy & Karen Evans, discounted to $4.99 today only
2) The Mountaintop of Marriage by Marriage Today, exclusively marked down today to $5.00

What are some of the ways you care for your spouse or significant other?

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Time’s Up: Introductory Savings on Logos 5 End at Midnight!

Vyrso is a part of Logos Bible Software, and last fall, Logos introduced its finest Bible software yet: Logos 5. Maybe you’ve heard about Logos’ smart, precise features. Its massive libraries. And its introductory discounts of 15% or more, which end at midnight (PST).

Logos allows you to start with a word or phrase and do hours’ worth of studying in seconds. You can look up the answers to your children’s tough questions, see visuals for the passages you’re studying, and stay in the Word with reading plans and reminders. And with our free mobile apps, you can study the Bible no matter where you are.

The best time to upgrade to Logos 5 is right now.

You’re not going to get a second chance to save up to 15% with introductory pricing. But don’t wait any longer—this deal ends at midnight!

Visit Logos.com, call our upgrade hotline at 1-888-875-9491, or email the sales team and talk with someone about your upgrade options.

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32 Things About Charles Spurgeon

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Today’s post is by Stephen McCaskell, author of Through the Eyes of C.H. Spurgeon.

On January 31, 2013, it will have been 121 years since the great preacher Charles Haddon Spurgeon passed away. In his memory, I bring to you 32 things you might not know about Charles Spurgeon.

1. One woman was converted through reading a single page of one of Spurgeon’s sermons wrapped around some butter she bought.

2. Spurgeon first read The Pilgrim’s Progress at age six, and went on to read it over 100 times.

3. The New Park Street Pulpit and The Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit—the collected sermons of Spurgeon during his ministry with that congregation—fill 63 volumes. The sermons’ 20–25 million words are equivalent to the 27 volumes of the ninth edition of the Encyclopedia Britannica. The series stands as the largest set of books by a single author in the history of Christianity.

4. Spurgeon’s mother had 17 children, 9 of whom died in infancy.

5. When Spurgeon was only 10 years old, a visiting missionary, Richard Knill, said that the young Spurgeon would one day preach the Gospel to thousands and would preach in Rowland Hill’s chapel, the largest Dissenting church in London. His words were fulfilled.

6. Spurgeon missed being admitted to college because a servant girl inadvertently showed him into a different room than that of the principal who was waiting to interview him. (Later, he determined not to reapply for admission when he believed God spoke to him, “Seekest thou great things for thyself? Seek them not!”)

7. Spurgeon’s personal library contained 12,000 volumes—1,000 printed before 1700. (The library, 5,103 volumes at the time of its auction, is now housed at Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.)

8. Before he was 20, Spurgeon had preached over 600 times.

9. Spurgeon drew to his services Prime Minister W. E. Gladstone, members of the royal family, and members of Parliament, as well as author John Ruskin, Florence Nightingale, and General James Garfield, later president of the United States.

10. The New Park Street Church invited Spurgeon to come for a six-month trial period, but Spurgeon asked to come for only three months because “the congregation might not want me, and I do not wish to be a hindrance.”

11. When Spurgeon arrived at The New Park Street Church, in 1854, the congregation had 232 members. By the end of his pastorate, 38 years later, that number had increased to 5,311. (Altogether, 14,460 people were added to the church during Spurgeon’s tenure.) The church was the largest independent congregation in the world.

12. Spurgeon typically read six books per week and could remember what he had read—and where—even years later.

13. Spurgeon once addressed an audience of 23,654—without a microphone or any mechanical amplification.

14. Spurgeon began a pastors’ college that trained nearly 900 students during his lifetime—and it continues today.

15. In 1865, Spurgeon’s sermons sold 25,000 copies every week. They were translated into more than 20 languages.

16. At least three of Spurgeon’s works (including the multivolume Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit series) have sold more than 1,000,000 copies. One of these, All of Grace, was the first book ever published by Moody Press (formerly the Bible Institute Colportage Association) and is still its all-time bestseller.

17. During his lifetime, Spurgeon is estimated to have preached to 10,000,000 people.

18. Spurgeon once said he counted eight sets of thoughts that passed through his mind at the same time while he was preaching.

19. Testing the acoustics in the vast Agricultural Hall, Spurgeon shouted, “Behold the Lamb of God which taketh away the sin of the world.” A worker high in the rafters of the building heard this and became converted to Christ as a result.

20. Susannah Thompson, Spurgeon’s wife, became an invalid at age 33 and could seldom attend her husband’s services after that.

21. Spurgeon spent 20 years studying the Book of Psalms and writing his commentary on them, The Treasury of David.

22. Spurgeon insisted that his congregation’s new building, The Metropolitan Tabernacle, employ Greek architecture because the New Testament was written in Greek. This one decision has greatly influenced subsequent church architecture throughout the world.

23. The theme for Spurgeon’s Sunday-morning sermon was usually not chosen until Saturday night.

24. For an average sermon, Spurgeon took no more than one page of notes into the pulpit, yet he spoke at a rate of 140 words per minute for 40 minutes.

25. The only time that Spurgeon wore clerical garb was when he visited Geneva and preached in Calvin’s pulpit.

26. By accepting some of his many invitations to speak, Spurgeon often preached 10 times in a week.

27. Spurgeon met often with Hudson Taylor, the well-known missionary to China, and with George Muller, the orphanage founder.

28. Spurgeon had two children—twin sons—and both became preachers. Thomas succeeded his father as pastor of the Tabernacle, and Charles Jr. took charge of the orphanage his father had founded.

29. Spurgeon’s wife, Susannah, called him Tirshatha (a title used of the Judean governor under the Persian empire), meaning “Your Excellency.”

30. Spurgeon often worked 18 hours a day. Famous explorer and missionary David Livingstone once asked him, “How do you manage to do two men’s work in a single day?” Spurgeon replied, “You have forgotten that there are two of us.”

31. Spurgeon spoke out so strongly against slavery that American publishers of his sermons began deleting his remarks on the subject.

32. Occasionally Spurgeon asked members of his congregation not to attend the next Sunday’s service, so that newcomers might find a seat. During one 1879 service, the regular congregation left so that newcomers waiting outside might get in; the building immediately filled again.

 

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A Discussion with Marriage Specialist Jimmy Evans

lifelong love affiar

We talked with Jimmy Evans, author and founder of MarriageToday, about his goal of preserving marriages and his new book, Lifelong Love Affair: How to Have a Passionate and Deeply Rewarding Marriage.

Vyrso Voice: What was your favorite part of writing Lifelong Love Affair?

Jimmy Evans: I love the feeling of sharing what God has done in our marriage with others. Karen and I are now in our 40th year of marriage. We’ve had the blessing of helping thousands of couples and have a lot of experiences from that to share with others. There were many important truths and principles I share in counseling and seminars that I have never written about until Lifelong Love Affair. I love the opportunity to put them in writing knowing they are going to encourage and bless others.

Vyrso Voice: What sets it apart from some of your other works?

Jimmy Evans: Lifelong Love Affair is a book that embodies some of the most important principles the Lord has taught us over the years. One of the most crucial practices I share in Lifelong Love Affair is the importance of vision in marriage and how to have a vision retreat. This truth transformed our marriage. We have taught it to couples all over the world and without exception every couple who does it sees the same results.

Vyrso Voice: Why do so many marriages limp along with the same struggles year after year?

Jimmy Evans: There are a couple of reasons. The first is that we stop prioritizing our marriage and give attention to other areas. The result is an anemic relationship lacking the proper priority and energy.

The other reason is wrong expectations. For some reason, we think that when we get married we should thrive in soul-mate heaven without working at it. Marriage requires constant work and investment. It is how we fell in love and how we stay in love after getting married.

Karen and I were high-school sweethearts. We were deeply in love until I knew I had her. Once that happened, I became lazy and took her for granted. That’s when we were on the brink of divorce. Thankfully, we turned to the Lord, and He saved our marriage.

What we learned then, which still affects our marriage almost 40 years later, is that our marriage must stay first in priority, and we must work at meeting each other’s needs.  We ditched the soul-mate myth years ago—the belief that if you marry the right person, marriage works effortlessly.

Every marriage requires attention and cultivation. Without it, your marriage will limp along without the passion and intimacy you desire.

Vyrso Voice: Do you have a particularly meaningful story of a couple touched by MarriageToday that you’d be willing to share with us?

Jimmy Evans: One couple, Nathan and Julia Tyndall, thought they’d have a fairy-tale marriage, full of romance and happiness like the love stories. But three years later, they were fighting and arguing constantly. Julia had become demanding and selfish. In turn, Nathan insisted that she change to meet his needs. Neither of them would budge, and finally Nathan moved out.

On the day Julia printed out the divorce papers, she happened to turn on the television and saw a listing for MarriageToday. She turned on the program while she did the dishes—40 marriage-ending sheets of paper awaiting her signature on the table just a few feet away—and heard me say that God can restore and heal any marriage. “It was as if Jimmy was speaking straight to me,” she said. “I put the divorce papers in the recycling bin.”

That night, she asked God to change her heart, to transform her actions and expectations about their marriage. “Things started to change,” she says. “God began to use me to bring healing back into the marriage.”

Today, Nathan and Julia are back together and their marriage is thriving, thanks to MarriageToday. “God used this show to start the process of saving our marriage,” Nathan says. “We are living proof that God can take anything and make it new again.”

*  *  *

Would you like to transform your marriage by attending a MarriageToday event? Register now for the Lifelong Love Affair Seminar & Simulcast February 8–9, 2013. Watch the simulcast with your spouse, or make an event of it with your small group or church. If you’re near Southlake, TX, register to attend the event at Gateway Church. Let MarriageToday help strengthen your relationship. Register now.

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Win Logos 5, an iPad Mini, and Bonhoeffer by Eric Metaxas!

Seven-men

“We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.” —Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a committed pacifist, left his native Germany in 1939 to avoid conscription, which would have entailed swearing an oath to Hitler and fighting in his army. He came to think of that decision as a sort of flight; after just four weeks, he returned to Germany on the last steamer to make the crossing. There he contributed bravely to the resistance; eventually captured, he was hanged on April 9, 1945. Bonhoeffer, by New York Times bestselling author Eric Metaxas, presents this remarkably orthodox theologian’s profound moral courage and extraordinary faith.

Metaxas’ Bonhoeffer Tour begins February 8 in Williamsville, NY. And through a partnership with the tour, Thomas Nelson, GototheHub.com, and Food for the Hungry, you can win Logos 5 Gold, an iPad Mini, and copies of Metaxas’ Bonhoeffer and Seven Men!

Seven Men, Metaxas’ latest book, profiles Bonhoeffer, George Washington, William Wilberforce, Eric Liddell, Jackie Robinson, John Paul II, and Charles Colson. Metaxas asks: What does it look like to—as a leader, father, brother, husband, coach, counselor, change agent, or wise man—be a true role model?

Pick up Bonhoeffer and pre-order Seven Men today!

Entry closes April 6, and we’ll select the winner April 8. If you win and you already own Logos 5, Bonhoeffer, and/or Seven Men, you’ll get Logos.com credit in place of the prizes.

Enter now!

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Cyber Monday: Christian Ebooks

Friday we told you about the Vyrso discounts available this weekend. Saturday I shared a little about what ebooks mean to me. Today we want to let you in on a huge opportunity. Not only is Vyrso offering over 100 discounted ebooks—we’re giving away a Logos 5 Gold base package!

Logos is the world’s leading Bible software. Its massive networked libraries, fast searches, original language tools, and helpful Bible-knowledge features connect you to the Word. Gold is a massive, value-priced library for serious Bible study in English, Greek, and Hebrew. It offers a vast selection of ebooks and Logos 5’s fast, intuitive design. If you haven’t heard of Logos, here’s a video that describes what you could win:



Logos offers a remarkable library and powerful tools for better Bible study—visit our giveaway page and enter to win!

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